Reality Therapy : a guide to Reality Therapy and Choice Theory

Reality Therapy was developed by Willam Glasser MD. Reality Therapy is a counseling method which focuses on the future. Its fundamental idea is that no matter what has happened in the past, our future is ours and success is based on the behaviors we choose. Dr. Glasser began teaching Reality Therapy in 1965 and founded the Institute for Reality Therapy in 1967. In 1996, it was renamed and is now the William Glasser Institute.

Reality therapy is based on choice theory and continues to evolve. It has become a technique widely studied and embraced by people throughout the world. The principles of reality therapy extend to many different areas. It is embraced by professionals, including counselors, educators, psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, parents and others.

Since unsatisfactory or non-existent connections with people we need are the source of almost all human problems, the goal of Reality Therapy is to help people reconnect. This reconnection almost always starts with the counselor/teacher first connecting with the individual, and then using this connection as a model for how the disconnected person can begin to connect with the people he or she needs.

There are two major components to Reality Therapy...

create a trusting environment
employing techniques for helping a person discover what they really want

Creating such a relationship involves a number of considerations and practices....

Focus on the present and avoid discussing the past because all human problems are caused by unsatisfying present relationships.

Avoid discussing symptoms and complaints as much as possible since these are the ways that counselees choose to deal with unsatisfying relationships.

Understand the concept of total behavior, which means focus on what counselees can do directly-act and think. Spend less time on what they cannot do directly; that is, change their feelings and physiology. Feelings and physiology can be changed, but only if there is a change in the acting and thinking.

Avoid criticizing, blaming and/or complaining and help counselees to do the same. By doing this, they learn to avoid these extremely harmful external control behaviors that destroy relationships.

Remain non-judgmental and non-coercive, but encourage people to judge all they are doing by the Choice Theory axiom: Is what I am doing getting me closer to the people I need? If the choice of behaviors is not getting people closer, then the counselor works to help them find new behaviors that lead to a better connection.

Teach counselees that legitimate or not, excuses stand directly in the way of their making needed connections.

Focus on specifics. Find out as soon as possible who counselees are disconnected from and work to help them choose reconnecting behaviors. If they are completely disconnected, focus on helping them find a new connection.

Help them make specific, workable plans to reconnect with the people they need, and then follow through on what was planned by helping them evaluate their progress. Based on their experience, counselors may suggest plans, but should not give the message that there is only one plan. A plan is always open to revision or rejection by the counselee.

Be patient and supportive but keep focusing on the source of the problem, disconnectedness. Counselees who have been disconnected for a long time will find it difficult to reconnect. They are often so involved in the symptom they are choosing that they have lost sight of the fact that they need to reconnect. Help them to understand, through teaching them Choice Theory and encouraging them to read the book, Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom, that whatever their complaint, reconnecting is the best possible solution to their problem.

As Reality Therapy has at its foundation Choice Theory, such an understanding is essential for the success of applying Reality Therapy.

Choice Theory® states that all we do is behave, that almost all behavior is chosen, and that we are driven by our genes to satisfy five basic needs: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom and fun. In practice, the most important need is love and belonging, as closeness and connectedness with the people we care about is a requisite for satisfying all of the needs. Choice Theory (and the Seven Caring Habits) is offered to replace external control psychology (and the Seven Deadly Habits), the present psychology of almost all the people in the world. Unfortunately, this forcing, punishing psychology is destructive to relationships. When used in a relationship, it will always destroy the ability of one or both to find satisfaction in that relationship, and will result in people becoming disconnected from those with whom they want to be connected. Disconnectedness is the source of almost all human problems, such as what is called mental illness, drug addiction, violence, crime, school failure, spousal and child abuse, to mention a few.

Students of Reality Therapy find the structures it gives their counseling to be clear, efficient and straightforward. Reality Therapy emphasizes the client's responsibility and self-empowerment. A positive change in behavior is often realized in clients of Reality Therapy.